When we first began our adoption journey, I looked at it as a certain way to grow our family. In other words, I thought that once we made the decision to go this route, the adoption would definitely happen – eventually. Now I’m not so sure.
The application process moved very quickly. We had all four of our home study meetings within a span of about 2 months. However, since our final approval there has been a lot of waiting. It has now been over 6 months, and we have only had one couple look at our profile book.
Part of me feels guilty for wishing for a match, because a match means that another family is going through so much pain. I can’t even imagine being in a situation where I was faced with such a decision. I know that these moms and dads love their children, and will be faced with feelings of tremendous loss if they choose adoption for their child. However, I also know that this love for their child is the reason that they are choosing adoption. They want to give their child the best life possible.
On the other hand, a match would also mean the completion of our family. From the time I was little, I knew I wanted to be a mom. When I pictured my family, I pictured at least 2 children. As much as I still want that, I really wonder if it will ever happen. It would be so much easier to be patient if I knew the end result. Although, I guess that’s life! The not knowing what will happen is what makes life so frustrating and exciting at the same time.